Current Music: Sugarfree - Makita Kang Muli

Current Mood: Tired, sad, but also happy ^^;; from one hug

haha 2005 has really not been my year.  anyways, well drill team practice was alright, same with pep band.  i felt bad because julia came and i wasn't there for all of it. =(  i was there the whole time yesterday though. =P 

i really love making people happy.  i like how sean was really happy when he asked me where the music was and i had it ready for him --well i asked julia to fish it out and hand it to him, and had megan's clarinet in a safe place and she was really appreciative for that. i know, just two little mindless things that i just wanted to blog. ^^;;

oh! at drill team practice when we were having our two minute water break, perfect timing!  nick levine came by the back gym and he was checking out the b-ball game by me and i was like OMG!  ^^;;  i love that guy.  he was always sweet and nice to me while he always gave shannon a hard time. =D  i gave him a hug and he gave me one back which was sooo nice. what's kinda funny is i'm still reeling from that moment.  like even though all these bad things that have happened to me this year, all of it just seemed to kinda melt away.  i know some people say hugs are powerful, but you never realize it or appreciate it until you truly understand.  i know i probably sound like i'm making a big deal out of a warm hug, but it made me feel really happy and gave me the feeling that "everything's gonna be alright."   lol i feel so pappy.  i got a hug from nick! <3  i'm probably all happy because i had a little crush on him last year. XD  not really digging the army haircut, but everything else is all good.  i'm also happy say that when i asked him how he was and he said he was great, it didn't sound so monotone like how most people would say it.  he actually sounded happy and meant it.  ^^;; now that's like music to my ears. Ah! Nick!!! <3 ok, i'll stop now. *inside squeal of happiness*

wow i was googling some pics of rico yan (which most of the good ones are gone now) and i stumbled upon a media reporter's good-bye to him and man all the sad emotions flew back.  i miss him.. and i didn't even realize that after his and claudine's little vacation they were suppose to make up from their fight and that they were gonna get married the following december!! -which never happened because he died.   guys like him make me wanna do more good in the world, and do even more-greater than that.  i feel like i need to help pick up where he left off. ^.- paalam rico. =(  to think it's been 3 years now.

and speaking of paalam, i'm watching wazzup-wazzup right now since it's the only time i can watch it now.  i can never wake up early enough for it so i watch it at 1am XD anyways, they're doing a recap on the year 2005 because the philippines is a day ahead and one of the flashbacks was on the life of pope john paul II and toni gonzaga sung a really nice song as a good-bye.  =(

just something random, i HATE jericho and heart together! T__T jericho should be with kristine and heart should be with john pratts.XD 

anyways, the scary thing that happened today.  well i didn't want to watch shannon as she finished her hot dog in the commons so i decided to go ahead and warm up the car.  as i was going out the doors the same guy who stopped shannon and me near pizza express yesterday about wanting us to go to heaven stopped me.  this time he didn't ask me for 2 or 5 minutes of my time, but just kept talking.  i didn't think he'd take up so much of my time.  i just thought i'd be polite and let him use up a minute or two of my time.  i didn't think it was going to be such a big deal.  he kept going on about how we're all stealers and lyers and i forgot what the other one was, but yeah, and he kept saying something like.  now learning about all of this, this makes you scared right?  you should be. and blah blah blah.  i stopped paying attention the moment he stopped me.  anyways, it was nothing but noise and then there was like this perfect moment and i butted in and was like "well you see, i'm catholic and-" and he was like oh you're catholic, cool.  now forget catholicism for a second and imagine etc. ---  man this guy never gave up.  i was really starting to get uncomfortable, upset and really freaked out.  jr came out and was standing by me for a really long time waiting for his mom, but in my head i was like "jr!!! help me!!!"  it took him a while to finally figure out what was going on.  by the time his mom came he told her to park to the side and he went back in and told shannon and the others what was happening.  he also was searching for mr. wayne, but couldn't find him, but he did find mr. howard and he said he knew what was happening and that there was nothing he could do about it.  while that was going on.  i was trying to look for a way out.  i didn't want to be rude, but i just had about enough of it.  the guy kept asking me if i had a bible and then his buddy (while i was scanning the place, i realized that the two-three other adults that i thought were hanging out just outside were really part of the whole deal-thing that this scary guy was doing.  i noticed the little new testament books they were carrying) handed me a copy of the new testament book and then the guy put his hand on my shoulder and started praying out loud.  now that REALLY scared me!  then he asked me if i prayed too and i was like "sure."  hah, talking about religious stuff and here i am lying.  anyways, finally jr, came by, put his arm around me and pulled me away FAST and good thing too.  also perfect timing.. these little kids were walking by and the guy started picking on them.  jr took the book out of my hands, asked me if i was ok and then i just started freaking out.  While i was doing that jr took the book and he placed it on the back bumper of someone's car and as he was doing that he was praying out loud saying "sorry lord for --" blah blah... it was pretty funny, now that i think of it.  the whole time he kept saying 'stay true to your faith' and stuff like that.  caite and hayley came out soon after and asked me if i was ok.  shannon didn't come with them because she was afraid she'll be in the same position i was.  caite and hayley ended up walking back in and shannon ended up dragging bryan along too as one of the bodygaurds that surrounded her as they quickly ran out the doors.  after that we all congregated in a area on the parking lot just a few feet away from the scary guy, we were all in an out-roar, and i was just really really freaked out.  then we all got to the point where we were starting to get kinda loud so i were gonna continue all the bashing in my car, but we all ended up listening to bryan's cool tunes.  gotta love kanye west, though what happened to him?  --i saw a commercial today on how they're gonna tell the story on what changed his life on Oprah.  gonna watch it tomorrow XD (oh and Dr. Phil was a good episode today too =P)  so yeah, things chilled, and after making my last drop offs =P (gave caite and hayley rides home and bryan too even though he was gonna walk home) jr called shannon's cell and asked me if i was ok and we ended up chatting online about it.  sigh... jr kept saying how he was just trying to scare which, which was the point of it all, but then he kept saying something about "remember jesus said do not be afraid, i am with you"  and then i pointed out that he also forgives us for all our sins and yeah.  but w/e, that guy was a real jerk.  the nerve of that guy.  i guess he does have the right to do that, but he doesn't have the right to make someone feel uncomfortable.  and he was so rude!  when i said i didn't have time or that i already had a religion he just continued.  i love my religion.  i love being catholic.  it's what i grew up in.  before all this happened i loved my religion and didn't mind other religions at all, but now i feel more defensive about mine and now i'm just a little edgy and iffy about other religions, especially his.  but that makes things a little tough because i feel like religion has come to bite me in the ass this year.  i guess i started to notice it after this little issue i had when a friend and i were trying to figure out how to deal with religion differences.  after that, more stuff on church-related issues just came flying at me.  T___T  i was just telling jr how i just wanted to shake him silly or something and how, not to sound all egotistic or anything, but i felt like i could really beat the crap out of this guy good whether i really tried or not, if he pushed my buttons pretty hard.  sigh... he should respect the fact that i have my own religion.  he shouldn't squish his in my face acting as though his was the better or right one. 

ok i think i'm done ranting.  but now.. just when i was starting to chill i feel iffed out again.

and i was gonna make this one separate entry, but i guess now.

Are you trying to f***ing avoid me?? you know who you are and i'll say it again.  what the hell?  are you and why are trying to avoid me?  avoid me, fine.  then i'll avoid you too.  stupid asshole...

haha as you can see, not a great day, week, month, year.  e-yeah...  haha one thing that made the ying to my yang was nicks hug ^^;;  really, as advice i'd say people should give out more hugs and show each other you care for each other.  it'll help make everyone happier, more loved and make the world a better place. ^^;;

till next time, i'm out.

pep band was alright.. better than yesterday.  and i managed to avoid my dad the whole day.  the dentist was pretty bad.  i have more cavities and sealants that they need to fix and whoopie for me, i get all four of my wisdom teeth pulled out.  i wonder if it'll all be done at once.  the dentist said "they're exploding" -whatever that means. oh and i got really p.o.ed in pep band today.  who the hell took out the red folder and messed up all the originals?!  also i don't appreciate seeing a packet ripped apart and it's papers scattered all over the place.  do you know how much time and effort i put into all those so they could be there for everybody?  and omg i felt so bad!  i had all the folders and packets in my arms and by the time i got to the office i tried to reach the handle, but all the papers slipped and it was locked.  i ended up just throwing the folder down along with the scattered junk and walked away.  robert and trevor asked if i needed help, but said i didn't need it.  they ended up cleaning up my mess and i kept telling them they didn't need to.... they kept saying it was ok and would understand what i was going through, but still -it was my mess. =(

been looking at peoples blogs and it's there seems to be some question/survey fever thing going around so i thought i'd do it to. =P

Yuki no youni  Tada shizukani  Furitsumori  Tsudzukete yuku

my heart cries

because of you

iniwan mo

holding on

Now my broken heart ..... cries for you each night,  
And it's almost like a song ..... 
but it's much too sad to write .....  
Much too sad to write.

today has definitely been one of my worst days ever.  it started out fine, well weird because i spent one hour watching some soap opera called days of our lives and it made me realize just how corny shannon's soap opera is to this.  it was way more realistic than passions.  anyways, watched oprah, slept, missed wazzup-wazzup again. =( 

then off i went to drill team which sucked ass.  the coaches were getting all pissy... i guess they were just jealous because the skippers got to perform at half-time and we weren't because we weren't ready to.  sadly, everyone was being pretty bitchie at each other and lets just say everyone wants to quit, badly.  at least i know i want to anyways.. i only joined so there'd be enough people to not cancel drill then i'd quit but now i have to manage through the year.. i hate being one of the top people.  next time i'll play it dumb.

pep band sucked.  misty was being a pain in the ass.  all we do is complain about what music we should play, or how we don't have any music to play and her sarcasm to "hey, be peppy" -she should realize that being sarcastic isn't gonna get others motivated to be "pepped" up the way she wants it to be.  and she better damn well be happy and not complain that there is music to play because i've spent so many god damn hours into putting those music packets together, making sure everyone had the darn music.

driving caite and kassy home was fun.

the horrible highlight of my day.. me getting pulled over, one house before my house.  so dumb... shannon and me went to go pick up my mom around 10 from work.  we completely forgot so we were a bit late.  we saw her walking so we turned around at market center and our mom was just about to turn the corner on our street where we lived so i slowed down so shannon to tell mommy to get in, but i was reaching the end of the turn and omg... sigh, i hate reliving the memory in my head.  right before i turned i quickly turned my signal on and then turned and all of a sudden a police car was hogging the street as i turned.  it scared the crap out of me because i didn't see it... BECAUSE the stupid police officer didn't have his lights on and it's a dark area street.  i almost hit it.  well, i was like SHIT, i made the turn then stopped the car.  my mom got in and while i was driving home i looked in my rear view mirror and saw the police car turn right around and drove in back of me with his whats-it called police lights? flashing... OMG it scared the crap out of me.  i barely past one house and i quickly pulled over.  man... it felt like forever, but shannon, my mom and me just kept waiting with my window open for the officer to come.  ARGH it was horrible!!!  the neighbor i was parked at came out of their house and looked at us.  i gave them a weird smile and wave and i said to shannon "omg...... this can't be happening..."  finally the police officer walked by and asked me to turn off my car and hand me my license and insurance card.  in my head i was freaking out soooooo bad, i almost wanted to run out of the car and just run home, besides it was just the next house over.  the stupid thing was shannon started giggling, which turned into laughing and i kept telling her to shut up... i was so close to crying and she was laughing -the heck?  he told me what i did wrong, that i failed to signal earlier before my turn and the next thing i knew i was like "yeah, i know, it was because i saw my mom walking home and-"blah blah blah.... damn it... well, he said "usually i'd give you a citation of $90 and you being a teenager, your insurance would go up and you would lose two points on your license, but i'll just give you a verbal warning for this time. " and then the guy went on about how the police are being extra careful around the holiday season, keeping an eye out for DUI's and stuff and then he said he was happy to see me wearing my seat belt "that's a good sign" and was i guess relieved to see my mom, or at least some kind of adult or parent in the car (even though she doesn't know a single thing about driving) and yeah.  after that, he told me to have a nice night and then he was off behind me and guess what, he STILL didn't have his car lights on.  you can barely see the car in the dark especially since it's a dark car.  anyways he went ahead and what was ridiculous was i was following his car for one second because i turned to my driveway.  omg that was so embarassing and stupid.  my mom was like outraged like me because it was something stupid like late signaling.. well he just pulled me over for that when lots of other people do worse things like not exactly stopping complete because crossing the intersection or stopping behind the white line and when people speed a little.  and also i wasn't just in danger because there weren't other cars and stuff, but he didn't have his lights on and i didn't see it and almost hit it.  i barely had room to squeeze between the police car and the curve. he should cite himself for doing something wrong. -he's also endangering others on the road.  i told my mom that and she noticed too how his lights weren't on and she told me i should've told him that, but the thing is if i talked back you know.... it wouldn't be pretty.  i'd probably be cited for it or something.. i don't have $90!  that's a lot for just not signalling long enough...  after that my mom and me were still confused so i ended up calling the police department.  i was like "hi, i'm sheila agne.  i had a question for this one officer who i can't remember his name."  stupid thing to say to the dispatch, i know.  the silliest thing was the lady said "ah yes, ms. agne, the officer who pulled you over?  let's see here... that was officer ferguson."  and i asked her "so what really happened?"  and she told me it was just a warning, that was it.  all the numbers and calls that the officer was saying through the radio went to her where she just put down under my file that i got one warning.  she says it wasn't permanent or anything, it's not on record, it's just a strike one type of thing.  if it happens again then i'll have to pay and have all that bad stuff happen and then it would go on my record.  my mom and i were relieved, but i was still shaky inside.  my mom started telling me how she doesn't know that officer much, but now's he's a mean guy.... he's pretty much like donna from the dmv, but a little notch lower.  turns out he's the one who pulled auntie lalina over and stuff because she failed to "make a complete stop at a stop sign before going again."  ..a lot of people make short stops.. i even see other police officers do it. ¬.¬  anyways, i told mommy not to tell daddy or else he would literally yell at me, most likely shake me and if he was really upset, would kick me out of the house.  i'm glad my mom was understanding and she's not gonna tell daddy.  i just hope it won't be in the newspaper... and if it is, i hope they don't use names or i'll just "accidently" cut that part out before my dad reads that paper.  i know this isn't as bad as when juliet got pulled over for speeding to school because she was late, but still... my dad wouldn't take the news too well as uncle and auntie did for juliet.  i guess i shouldn't worry about it now and just be glad i was off the hook for this time and my mom said it was a good thing she was in the car, if not -if officer ferguson saw just me and my sister, i think we would've been in way more trouble.  i'm still a bit shooken up.  i feel like what ed said earlier in the band room was true.  kassy asked ed if he was going home and he wasn't so i offered kassy a ride and he was like =O  "you have your license???"  i was like yeah and i said i was an "ok driver" and he was like "ok driver??? and then he said something like just leave, go or w/e.  when i remembered that i almost wanted to cry.

i'm a little bit at ease after playing video games till 2am with my siblings, but still... now i don't really wanna drive anymore and i'm really at edge thinking my dad will find out.  haha, i'm like in shock right now.  i don't know what to feel.. ashamed, mad, upset.. i kinda feel like i need a shoulder to cry on, kinda not.  sigh..  i wanted to tell anybody online, but there was no one so here i am just spilling whatever on my mind.

i wish i was still bumming off rides from people.  i wish i was getting a ride from ed.  i miss getting rides from him and since he was the one who was like "you have your license???" and crap even though i knew he was half joking, then why doesn't he just drive kassy, me and anyone i give rides to around?  man i've been really pissy today and i feel like it all came back in my face.  what goes around, comes around.  at least i think that's it.

and just looking at my quiz results and comparing them to a couple of years ago... Dang.  i'm really sad, lonely and heart-broken compared to back then where i was a girlie, hopeless romantic and seeks love.

sigh, i better get some rest.  sigh.. what a rough night.